By Dr. M. Q. Khan
“The strong influence of a group, especially of children, on members of that group to behave as everyone else does” this is how Cambridge dictionary defines peer pressure. If we further elaborate it otherwise – influenced or pushed by friends or people of same age or ability to do some thing which you would not like to do with your own judgment. It is not limited to any class or age. It is a natural attitude of a person to belong to a group in a community eventually in order to ‘to be accepted’ among peers, people tend to do things which might not be appropriate for them. Like a parent would like to host a huge birth day party for his children after seeing a neighbour’s grand party or a compulsion to buy a new car after seeing a colleague driving a new car. Though you might not be having sound conditions to afford these lavish things and even your guts doesn’t allow doing it but an external force makes you do it.
Peer pressure is most commonly associated with the adolescent in teen age as they are growing up and having diverse people around. Adolescence is an age when teenagers are still trying to make an identity for themselves. They have a desperate zeal to belong to a group. Hence, they become an easy prey in the hands of peer pressure, where bad suggestion, curiosity to try something everyone else is doing or just the fear of being mocked by friends lead the teens to do things, they would rather not do, left to their better decision. This is also the crucial time for making many decisions as they are exposed to several different cultures and value systems at once. Teens’ manners and observations of life depend much on the peer pressure.
Let me put a story from many real life experiences which I came across in the process of writing this article. The story is about a girl who is now 25 years old, working with an MNC; she tells her story: “In my school days I used to be a bright girl I never missed to stand first in my class. But in class 10th I made friend with a girl. She was having a group of cool guys. I was an introvert girl but my new friend was an out going and extrovert girl. I felt very strongly to be like her. As the other guys liked her they used to go out have fun. I strongly felt to belong to this group. So I started (though uncomfortable) pushing my presence among them. I used to stay out till late and this is for the first time I lied to my parents. I started sitting with them in canteen gossiping till late. Though, they were not ready to welcome me in their group. I tried and gave my lots of time just to be part of the group. Unfortunately my all endeavours to become a part of that group could not get much success despite my all devotion. I could notice in coming exams I faired badly. Thus, I realized where I was going wrong and tried to control and re-establish myself and tell no- though it’s not an easy task but I am happy I could do it.
But now as she is mature she understands what really had gone wrong. One mustn’t try to imitate bad habits of others. One should always keep his/her point in notice why s/he dislikes something and should remain firm on his/her grounds. Sometime, people drink, smoke or get into many other bad habits just to be part of a group. They may have to struggle with their own friends to wrestle away from drugs, violence, sex and overspending money among other things. Formal dating has been replaced by informal socializing patterns with casual and unwanted relations in mixed-sex groups that have increased the risk of exposure to AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
In metropolitan cities, the trend is very rife about having girl friend and boy friend. If one does not, s/he is treated backward and stupid. Such perception has grossly damaged the most vulnerable population of teenagers. But at the end things come out clear and they notice who made mistake. They suffer from emotional, psychological and physical set back.
Peer pressure is not always negative and may reinforce family value systems, an adolescent is exposed to several groups of peers at once – at school, college, in the neighborhood, at playgrounds, festivals, camps, seminars, meetings, celebrations, political associations and romantic ties. The levels of these groups may differ from one person as a friend to that of crowds. All of these groups may have unique traits, norms, cultures and value systems and slowly teenager drifts towards groups that hang together more and thus, peer relationships emerge. Peer group makes one confident and makes them feel valued and a sense of belongingness. It also helps in understanding and mixing with others and influence in making decision about life.
Dealing with it
At teenage groups, peer relations become the core of teens’ lives and activities and young people like to socialize and have fun with their peers rather than their families. Adolescents become more and physically and psychologically distant from their parents and these distances diminish emotional closeness and warmth between them and there are frequent conflicts and disagreements between them. Kids seem to prefer their peers for close relations. I just suggest a few key formulas in my personal views to cope with the demon of peer pressure:
• Parents should never criticize the teenagers’ choice of friends as they take it as an attack on them personally rather parents should keep the lines of communication open and find out why these friends are important and support the self-esteem of their children. However, parents may guide their children on differentiating between good and bad friends in general terms.
• Parents should spend some time with their children and talk to them every day like friends so that they don’t hide anything from them. There should not be communication gap between them. At the same time teenagers mustn’t do any such thing that can ruin their life and need to lie to their parents and elders.
• The teenagers too, must understand that there can’t be anybody else who can be so genuinely concerned with their wellbeing and happiness as their own parents. Hence, they ought to obey their parents. And the parents too, must encourage and appreciate the commendable traits and good deeds of their children instead of unnecessarily scolding them without valid reasons.
• The teenagers must be told about the ugly consequences of whatever wrong behaviour they are having. The best way to deal with it is to encourage teenagers to trust their own sense of what is right and wrong and discuss the art of saying ‘NO’ and remember that we all learn greatest lessons from mistakes.
(The author is an Associate Professor of English at Dera Natung Government College, Itanagar.)